well, nothing much to blog about actually. Just kind of depressed lately and want to find some place to release stress. Am currently facing huge dilemma. I have no idea what to choose... Feeling leaving and start with a whole new thing at a whole new place but that place doesn't offer the course that I want. If they do offer the course that I want, I'll surely leave without a second thought. Somemore I think it should be the time for me to grow independent and step out from this small place to look at another part of this world... People are telling me to stay and continue with what I'm doing now. but I'm scared that I can't do it. I can't afford to fail. I hate failures. I told my lecturer if I failed, I would probably suicide. My parents are not giving me any pressure, is myself. I can't accept failures in my life. NO MORE! well, don't feel like saying it anymore. Will just keep it for myself cause I don't want to torture anyone else.
To be honest, I'm desperately needing someone who can always be there for me(besides my family), listening to whatever craps I'm saying, stay with me and so on. well, I don't know why I've been thinking about this recently. I mean talking things about love and relationship and so on. Looking at friends and families around me, getting more and more of them are in a relationship. Turn back and look at me, pfft.... how pathetic I am. 18 years. Not even once. sigh... well, I'm not saying that I need one because I'm lonely... but because I want to be in love. Love is a beautiful thing that makes your heart glows. I don't know why, but whenever I look at my friends who are in love, I'm feeling extremely excited and happy for them. I can actually feel flowers blooming in my heart and I get high on that. my heart pumps fast and I feel the temperature rising, as if I am in love too. HAHAHA... weird me... :p well, I know I can't force, but I wonder when will I meet my Mr.Right. And will the guy I like be my Mr.Right? I have no idea... He seems like liking other girl... I know I'm not good enough for you cause I think you're really good that I couldn't find any other guy that is as nice as you. So, I don't dare to disturb you anymore cause I know you deserve better and you can be with the girl you really like. :) Just hope that we'll be good friends for long... you're really a great friend for me. :) *we have not been chatting for quite a long time :(*
I always trust that "God is still writing my love story... Have faith..." I'm waiting now... Hopefully it will be a good one since I've been waiting for so long... :)
One more thing, no more Christmas for me this year. I'm so sad when I heard the news from mum. :'( we've been celebrating Christmas for 10 years I guess... Since I was still in kindergarten. and now.... This year's Christmas won't be fun anymore... No more singing Christmas songs together, no more Christmas gifts and no more celebration... Just gonna stay at home with TV! THIS IS SAD! :( AND starting from this year, we'll have to find our own activities to do on Christmas. My aunt and the family, the only Christian in the family, are moving to Canada before Chinese New Year. I wonder when will I meet her again after this. Canada is quite far from here. anyway, I have no mood for Christmas anymore. No more expectation...
I just don't feel like thinking anything anymore. Has been facing insomnia for almost 2 weeks. Just wish to get a good night sleep after this. I need to release stress. Feel like swimming... Swim away everything. Someone please brings me to somewhere quite and nice please? That would be greatly appreciated. I need some getaway. Any place...
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